The world can do without me

Snake bite can be enchantingly healing. It calls for soul’s reconciliation and integration, an inner dialogue, a poem. The beauty of life is comprised of both light and shades; embracing the shades is a prerequisite of embracing the totality of beauty.

Yes, it is painful, annoying and nasty. Snakes obviously prefer their prey shit-free — the poison is some kind of purge, releasing the victim completely of the contents of their intestines. In this case my intestines. So, there I was discharging stinky liquid from mouth and anus simultaneously, cramps gripping my bowels, liver and kidneys pulsating. No fun!

Six little holes … triple bite!

After two hours (partially my fault, I delayed my trip to the hospital, oh, so strong and brave; and partially the fault of amusingly slow reactions of the personnel in the hospital) I was finally administered the serum to counteract the poison.

What a relief! The last consequence was gradual swelling of the leg that spread slowly from the foot upwards, all the way to buttocks and lower part of the abdomen.

Awkward, yes; painful, not really. I’ve been through worse…

May the adventure begin!

Being the kind of person that I am, I take everything that happens as deeply meaningful. Whatever out-of-the-ordinary event I get pushed into by the vicissitudes of life, I take that event as an adventure not as inconvenience. Even when this puts me in a position of having to cancel a more enjoyable adventure, in this case a trip to Iceland.

Now, laying in the hospital, my eyes, ears and spirit are fully open.

What did I learn in the last 52 hours?

This time my inner voice was disguised as a little gray horned viper, exactly like the one that bit me. Thus She spoke:

Viper’s blessing

You’ll learn more in a desert than under a waterfall,
if what you need to learn is emptiness.
Without emptiness there is no freedom.

Silence resides under the waterfall,
if you’ve been to the desert and can remember:
not the desert but who you were back then.

You’ll learn more under the waterfall than in the desert,
if what you need to learn is flow,
flow with joy.

Flamboyance is possible in the dessert,
if you’ve been under the waterfall and can recall:
not the waterfall but who you’re becoming.

What you were is what you are,
yet what you are — now — is more.
Desert waterfall.

Your body is an empty vessel,
it doesn’t belong to you!
It is pushed around
by sandstorms and spring floods,
that go beyond your choice.
You are here to answer your call!
All other pursuits are wasteful,
essentially violent …

All you can really do is observe,
untouched
like lotus petals in the rain,
like cloudy shades on sandy dunes.
And once you see yourself, really,
I mean, really!
Once you step out of it all
and become the desert,
this will be the one and only right moment
to step in and become the waterfall.

No silence, no flow…
And here we are!
Twenty-first century:
the era of all-pervading noise
advertised as information,
the era of workaholism
perceived as one and only way.

So embrace and love my bite.
Remember, always remember
what you are now, this very moment:
a desert married to a waterfall.
Moving stillness,
roaring silence,
emptiness fulfilled.

I don’t remember you,
my friend,
it doesn’t matter.
I’m as empty as I’ve always been.
My fangs are empty too,
I am hungry.
Your fate is my fate.
Your silence is mine.
When you come
and meet me again,
I’ll see you.

No photoshop … 🙂

Meanwhile — hospital tumultum

Hospital is a really good place to practice desert+waterfall state of mind. It feels like in the army — everything is rigidly enforced and measured, spontaneity is absent. Everything from changing sheets and diapers to serving meals and drugs is disciplined and performed with yelling and complaining. I am the luckiest guy in the room — the only one without dippers.

The nurses in the hospital are far from Mother Teresa. I asked for water and the reply was: “Well, can’t you take it yourself? Tea is at the table over there, too.” And off she went.

You know how some people talk loudly on the phone when they can’t hear you well even though you hear them perfectly?

The nurses obviously deal with a lot of half-deaf people, their voices strong, authoritative and very loud. They don’t listen for more than 5 seconds before starting to offer advice and solutions: do this and that … and disappear again for something urgent in another room.

The hospital is old and not really built to serve patients humanely. It processes them. Doctors are too busy. Nurses too.

They behave as if they knew what they are doing. It gives confidence to some. Not to me. I would be reassured if they actually said they are not certain, before they expressed it with their actions.

Did I mention army?

Meals are rations, served in iron pots, bland and dull. Old school canteen cuisine I remember from the last time I was in hospital many, many years ago. The tea astes exactly as I remember it!

I asked for hardly any assistance or special treatment. I was in the desert. Python yoga.

When the stillness surfaced, I started to read and write. Can it be a coincidence that right then I encountered this poem by Stefan Simić (translation from Serbian is mine):

The world can do without you

It is somehow easier when you realize the world can do without you.
Whoever you are…
Whatever you do…
The world had forgotten many,
even big men, the biggest.
Why wouldn’t it forget you?

It is easier when you realize the world can do without you.
Because then you stop proving yourself to everyone.
Because you admit, many things that matter,
matter only to you,
and only you…

It is easier to exist when you realize you won’t exist forever.
You breathe easier when you accept that you wont breathe forever.
You fly easier when you admit that your flight is limited.
As well as flights of all those around you.

Because you begin to live for this here.
Because you approach each day as if it were your last.
Because old age cannot surprise you.
Neither can that which follows.

Nobody’s requiem lasts forever.
Neither will yours.

And so until the song begins,
until the tears and lamenting,
until the sighs and laurels,
until they start saying what you were like,
be what you are now,
live what you have to the maximum.
Nobody is able to do that but you,
and nobody will ever be.

The world has it’s own course,
with you or without you.
You should have it too.

It is somehow easier when you realize the world can do without you.
Whoever you are…
Whatever you do…
The world had forgotten many,
even big men, the biggest.
Why wouldn’t it forget you?

It is easier when you realize the world can do without you.
Because then you stop proving yourself to everyone.
Because you admit, many things that matter,
matter only to you,
and only you…